Ten short days ago, a lively and beautiful soul was ripped from this earth and taken to spend eternity in wherever it is we go after our human lives. I had only known this young man for a short time and even though we were never close, he always made me feel that in the moment he was talking to me, I was a special person to him and he genuinely cared to hear about what was going on in my life.
It was May 1, 2011 and I had just moved into a new basement suite in Victoria, BC with my boyfriend at the time. It was a hot sunny day and I was the first to arrive at the house, a double duplex, and slowly unpacked my things. As I was doing countless trips back and forth from my beat up and very full Toyota Echo, I heard this loud, blaring music coming from a red truck in the driveway beside. A young man got out, sunglasses on and two big diamond studs in his ears. I noticed him walk across the lawn and in the midst of me trying to unjam several miscellaneous items from my car I hear the words "Hey there! I'm Mike, Are you just moving in?" I turn around, all sweaty and grumpy to see Mikey To, with a big smile from ear to ear, eager to meet his new neighbour. I smiled and said that yes I was just moving in. In his charming demeanour, Mike's next question was " So, do you have a roommate? Are you two single?" I laughed. When Mike was inquisitive about something, he definitely didn't hesitate to ask. A quality that served him well in both his personal and professional life. I explained that I was moving into this house with my boyfriend. Even though I had established that I was unavailable, he still treated me with respect and told me to come over and say hi any time! Of the 8 males that resided in the duplex at the time, Mikey To was the only one to formally introduce myself and I won't ever forget that about him. From then on, I saw Mikey To on a regular basis in the bibliocafe at UVIC and he always seemed genuinely happy to see me. We would catch up for a minute and get back to our studies or whatever else we were doing.
A year later, I moved out of the duplex and moved on. It could be months since I had seem any of the boys from upstairs and beside, but every time I bumped into Mike, he always acted as if no time had gone by. I really admired his ability to try and make everyone feel like they mattered to him. As a Facebook friend, I observed him pursue his music career. You could tell he was very passionate about his art and what I admired most is that he wasn't all talk. As a person that enjoys music and writing myself, I see a lot of people talk about how they would love to pursue it as a career but that it was an "unrealistic pipe" dream. Mike actually went after what he wanted and strived to get there. He had meetings with people about gigs in Victoria and always took the initiative to introduce himself. I remember him approaching me at the duplex asking me for a quick ride down to the local Starbucks so he could meet a possible booking agent. I admired that he had done his research and that he was so passionate and lively about something he loved.
Once I had heard about the Waka Flocka tour , I remember thinking to myself, " Wow, the kid might actually do it". I have to admit when he talked about his music plans, I did have some doubt as it just sounded so farfetched, but he actually made it happen! I envy that amount of drive and determination to do what you love.
When I heard of the tragic passing of Mike, I was in shock. Now, many of you do not know but I have had an unfortunate fair share of loss, both young and old. Each one has hit me with a different form of grief and sorrow and I have gained some insight into the various reactions that people have to death. Now, when someone you love dies, it is never easy in any case. You will always feel that longing for one more appearance. One more conversation. One more glimpse of their smile. You long to tell them you love them, tell them you're sorry, or to hold them tight. Very rarely do we get to say goodbyes but I can tell you, even when you do, it doesn't make it easier. The biggest difference that I have seen with death is this.
When someone old or older dies, at their wake or celebration of life you hear about the life they lived. The things they saw and conquered. Their accomplishments and their legacy that they left behind. When my grandfather died, as deeply saddened and broken as I was, I loved seeing all of the people that he touched in his life. The receiving line where a woman told me how proud he was of me, and how amazing he thought I would be. I have always carried that with me, and always will. Even though sadness took over my mind and body at times, I was comforted to know that he had gotten to experience love, success, laughter and a beautiful family. We carry him with us forever and always.
Now, the closest person who was young and taken from me was my long time family friend Andrew Walker. He was 21 and died tragically in a very sad and very preventable accident. Now the death of someone young, I hate to say it, instills a much darker sadness. At their life celebrations you don't hear about the things they saw, but what they could have seen. You hear about the possible. Not the overcome. The dreams, not the accomplishments. The "what could've been". The anger part of the grieving process I believe lasts longer here. In relation to a possible belief that there is a higher power that controls the life cycle of each individual organism on this earth, I experienced extreme anger. How is it "God's plan" to let a person grow from a child to a young adult, complete university or school or some form of obstacle, and have a taste of a successful career, just to have all of that ripped out from underneath them into darkness. I am still a spiritual person but I do not believe that some higher energy or power determines our span of life on this earth. It wouldn't be fair. It isn't fair. That someone with so much promise and potential to become an amazing citizen of the world, to have a beautiful and everlasting love with someone, and to eventually create a beautiful family and legacy is taken so suddenly and hastily. I've heard many theories, that they are "God's Children", he wants them close forever, etc. Maybe it's selfish to want more time with the ones you care for but its a needed selfishness. I know that after Andrew's death and now with Mike's, it has taught me not to ever hold back on my feelings for anyone. If y To not hold a grudge. To forgive. If you love someone tell them. Every day that you can. 100 times a day if you can. Just because you can. They are still there. You can still touch them, feel them, yell at them, laugh with them. You can cry to them and pick up the phone and call them, knowing there is someone else on the other end of the receiver. For those close to Mike, that isn't there. It has been taken from them and it feels like there is a big gaping hole in their hearts. So everyone reading this, hug and kiss the people close to you often and never, ever take the time you have for granted.
In reading all of the messages and heartfelt prose posted on Mikey To's Facebook wall, it is astonishing to me the amount of love that is surrounded around this young man. There is a whopping 2,730 likes on the memorial page. Wow. I could only hope that many people have love and appreciation for the impact that I had on life. He was a good natured, wonderfully bright and considerate young man that will be remembered fondly by everyone he influenced whether in a big way or small. For myself, Mikey To has taught me to never ever give up on my dreams and passions. To stop being all talk and put my money where my mouth is. My thoughts and prayers are with his family, his parents and the people closest to him. I know Mike never ever stopped talking about his mom, and the love and bond he shared with her was both admirable and envious. As well with his girlfriend. I never met her but he only ever had wonderful things to say and lit up at the thought of her name. I barely even knew him that well and I knew that. My heart goes out to all of you. May he rest in peace and forever make his dreams come true, even in the afterlife. RIP Mike, we'll all see you again some day.
xoxo
S.
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